The cats say that the dog is ugly and her mommy dresses her funny. The Siamese cat's name is Funky, the black Persian is named David Shade and the Indian Pariah dog is named Elsa.

The dog is in unrequited love with the cats. The Siamese licks my face and sucks my hair all day. The black Persian is reputed to be a world famous prostitute, Tantric surrogacy trainer and marital aid. Or that's what his CV says, anyway.